August 01, 2005

Around the Diamond

First up, Orioles slugger Rafael Palmeiro was suspended for 10 games after testing for a steroids substance. This comes on the heels of testifying adamently before Congress that he had NEVER used steroids:

Rafael Palmeiro jabbed his finger in the air for emphasis and raised his voice with all the indignation of a man falsely accused.

"I have never used steroids. Period," he told a congressional panel in March.

Only a few minor trades occured on Sunday, the last day to make them.

And, in the Capital, the Washington Senators are worried that their star Left fielder, Ted "Burb" Kennedy, has been taking Clueless, in a clear violation of the substance abuse policy.

"The abuse of power and the cloak of secrecy from the White House continues. ... It's a devious maneuver that evades the constitutional requirement of Senate consent and only further darkens the cloud over Mr. Bolton's credibility at the U.N."

For the moment, "Ted will be assigned to a farm team, and re-educated on the basic fundementals, such as the US Constitution" said a team spokesman. "Ted's completely forgotten that his brother John played the same way, appointing Thurgood Marshall to the Federal 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals in 1961. We need an aggressive player who has his head in the game at all times, and Ted has been bobbling the ball and committing too many errors as of late."

Kennedy immediately pulled his pants down around his ankles and went for a swim.

Posted by William Teach at August 1, 2005 07:34 PM | TrackBack
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